Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
