Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
