Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
