I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
