I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
