ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
