the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
