Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
