I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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