Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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