hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
