I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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