OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
His nipple licking is glorious
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