im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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