Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
