now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
