Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
