"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
