He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
