I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
