I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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