dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
