I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
