It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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