So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
