I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
