My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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