yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
