Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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