Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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