just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
