Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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