I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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