I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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