I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
