So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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