i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
