We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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