Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
