Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
