Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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