Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
