Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
