She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
