He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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