What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
