she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Soap is not a condiment
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
