sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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