In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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