Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
